New Start!

I am so excited about this new start! We are doing a Healthy Life Challenge, and I feel like I am up for the challenge. My goal is to lose 30 lbs by July 7, 2009.

It's Over

Well, the competition is over. I am 20 lbs lighter than I was three months ago. I have made some progress and need to continue on to making more progress. I need to feel the fire of success again. I'll continue blogging while I try to keep losing weight.

Chugga Chugga

I'm chuggin' along here and feelin' pretty good. Just wanted to check in. Oh, and this has nothing to do with weight loss, but I have to tell a story of something that happened today.
Dimitri and I were driving past some really pretty horses, and I said, "Oh, look, Dimitri! Horses! They are so beautiful!" He said, "They're not beautiful. YOU are beautiful." It was the sweetest thing. I just about cried! How sweet. Anyway, I just wanted to post that because it made me so happy. What a sweet boy.

It's so good

It's so good to have this blog. It's so nice to have a place that's all my own that I can write whatever I want and still have great support from my family and friends. Because, after all, my family members are some of my dearest friends. This blog is a good way for me to stay connected with myself and what I am facing. I really feel like this has been a big part of the success that I've had. It's fun to be able to look back and read what I've written. It's interesting to see where I've been, where I am, and where I hope to be going. I am the kind of person that just about always has a sunny attitude. I think that's just the way God made me. I'm generally pretty happy and really do try to see the good in just about every thing and every situation. I am so grateful for that attribute. I hope to strengthen that as I continue on in my life. I am wearing some clothes today that I WOULD NOT have been able to fit into 3 months ago. What a great feeling that is. I can't wait until these clothes are just too big (even though they are really cute! Thanks, Anna!) It was fun to talk to Cean tonight about the fact that I only have 5 more sets of 20 lbs to lose. When I look at it that way, it really doesn't seem like that much to lose. I can manage bits of 20. :) I guess I just want to tell everyone who reads my blog and who has ever commented on my page: THANK YOU!!! Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself whole heartedly. Thank you for loving me even with all my imperfections and downfalls. I love knowing that I always, always, always have a soft place to land with my family. I feel so blessed. One thing that I have absolutely LOVED about this process over the past few months is being able to read other peoples blogs. It's been very helpful and insightful for me to be able to read what you all have written. It's been a source of strength for me. The last couple of days I have been thinking about Doug's blog: To Act and Not to be Acted Upon. I love that! That is something that I still need a lot of work on, but I am trying to get there. This past month and a half has shown that I clearly have a lot of work left to do on mastering that. I also liked something that Jeff wrote earlier on the other blog. It was something to the effect that he loves being able to choose right now what his mindset will be. We do have the power to choose how we will feel. I think that there have been times that I have forgotten that altogether. I DO have the power to choose. So, thank you again to all of you. I know I didn't mention every one of you individually, but please know that I love and appreciate you so very much. You have brightened my world and helped me to be a better person. Not just in the past couple months, but always. I am eternally grateful for the blessing of my wonderful and loving family. Thank you. SF, you have commented on my page, and even though you are not my sister, I do appreciate your confidence in me so much. Thanks!

Finally!!!

I did it! I finally lost 20 pounds! I'm so excited! I didn't reach my goal of 226.6, but I feel so good about finally losing the first 20 pounds, that I just can't be upset about not reaching my other goal. I called Cean at work to tell him and he was really happy for me. It is a big deal to reach that mark. I still have a lot more to lose, but the first 20 are down!!! Yay!!! So, let's see, I only have another 5 sets of 20 to get to my overall goal.

Joy

I am finding JOY! I love the quote that Kristina posted on our other site. Here it is:

"Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourself to a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is lost." -Helen Keller

Remembering

I remember back when I lost 60 lbs when we lived in Colorado. It was so awesome to be able to fit into smaller clothes! I actually got down to a size 16!!! I was very excited and felt good about myself. When we found out about Cean's health, I lost control of everything and gained all of my weight back and more. It seemed like things spiraled out of control from then on. Over the last several years, I have attempted to lose weight, but I have been unsuccessful. I have learned a lot about myself over the past couple of months of this competition. While I was doing a great job at the beginning of this competition, I had a major road block (emotional stress) in the middle and haven't been able to bring myself back from that. I let someone else and a situation that had nothing to do with my weight loss control me. I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I can come back and do well. I know that I won't win this competition, but I do know that I can still keep my head in the game and I can continue forward. My original goal was to lose a very large number. I was shooting towards a loss of 50 lbs! I have had to alter my goal for this competition to a weight loss of 30 lbs. I think that is still a great goal. And, I am really going to try to reach that. That means that by the end of the competition, I need to be at 220.6. I will do my best to reach that goal, if not surpass it. I have decided that I will continue on with my weight loss even after this competition. There has been talk of another competition, and I want to be a part of it. It is helpful for me to have a support group when I am doing something that is so hard for me. It surprising how emotional it is for me to be on this weight-loss journey. There is a lot that I still need to learn and a lot of weight to lose, but I think that with the right support and with the plan that works for me, it will happen.
One of the most important things that I have learned is that Heavenly Father is always there to help me not matter what I need help in. Lately, I have needed help in forgiveness and understanding. I also need help with self control. There have been many times that I have been driven to my knees in searching for guidance and for help and encouragement. I have received it every single time I've asked. I know that I can be successful in my life. I really need to remember that I am a precious daughter of God.
My name is Janie Gwen Marks Smalls, and I am a successful, happy, person. :)

Lip Service, Lip Service, Lip Service...

That's all I feel like I've been doing! Is lip service! I've been talking about doing a great job and winning and all that other stuff, but it's just been lip service! I think that when I write things or say things, I really mean it, but when it comes down to actually doing it, I guess I don't mean it. I've been at the same weight (with a few ups and downs) for the past month! Enough! No more lip service, more DOING!!! I really want to fit into all the clothes that Anna sent me! They are so cute, but some are too tight.

Winning Attitude

Since the beginning of the competition, I have had a winning attitude. But, for the past few weeks, my focus has shifted and I've had a very difficult time dealing with some things that have been going on in my personal life. Anyway, I have another 5 weeks to win this thing! I am going to win. I really think that I can do it with enough hard work and determination. I am planning on winning this. My weigh in today was less than desirable, but the next several weeks will be very pleasing! :)

Whewww!!!

Wow! I'll tell ya! These past several days have really been somethin'! Somethin' STRESSFUL!!! I am so glad that today I am beginning to feel more like myself. It's amazing what stress does to ya. I'm doing my best to remember my blessings and to focus on the positive. I keep telling myself, "Come on, Janie, hang in there." I actually did look at myself in the mirror today and gave myself a pep talk. It felt good to see and hear someone telling me good things and being motivational! Even though that someone was me! :) Hee hee... Okay, here's to another day! I am the little engine that could! Oh, by the way, after my little pep talk, I did have a little chuckle with myself. Ha ha ha ha!!!!

Uh oh

I'm starting to feel sick. I really hope it doesn't last. The stress that I have been feeling has caused me to lose sleep and have a very poor appetite. I took some Tylenol PM tonight in hopes of a good nights sleep. I had a wonderful walk today. It helped me to clear my head and it felt great to have that movement. We're supposed to have rain on Monday, so I'm glad I was able to go out today. As far as eating goes, it was not perfect. But, tomorrow is a new day and I plan to be perfect tomorrow.

Hard

I had a hard day today and I didn't have a perfect day. I did drink all my water, but I didn't eat nearly enough food today. I just haven't felt like eating today. I know I need to, but my appetite has been gone today. I've got to deal with my stress better.

So good, so far!

Today was a great day for me. I did everything that I feel classifies a perfect day for me. I'm really excited about reaching my 10% weight loss. That's 25 lbs!!! I am looking forward to going to the spa! I've been looking forward to that since December! I decided though that I would wait until I had lost 10% of my body weight. I'm getting close to that. Now, I'll have to think of something great for my next 10% weight loss reward! It's funny, the first thing that I think of as a reward is going out to dinner. Hmm...food, food, food...I do eat a lot of food and that's good, but I don't always want to think of that as my reward for doing something well or right. I think the spa thing is a great incentive for me. I'm glad Cean gave that to me for Christmas! The other thing that will happen when I get to my 10% point is posting my progress photo!!! That is going to be great to see the picture side by side! I know that I've made some good progress and it'll be fun to SEE the progress in a photo.
Well, while it has been a good day, it's also been an emotionally charged day. I am ready to go to bed and rest my mind and my body. It seems like the past couple of weeks have been very trying for me. I just need to remember what is most important in life and keep my focus. I am so grateful for the family and friends that I have that are so supportive of me. I feel that that has been a huge part of my own personal success with different things in my life. Specifically with this time around of losing weight. I was telling Cean tonight that my routine is becoming second nature. I don't have to think so hard about what I'm going to do during my day, or what I'm going to eat. I have always kind of "suffered" through a change in my diet or physical routine, but not this time. That's why I know that the weight that is coming off is going to stay off. I am doing things that I can do the rest of my life. What a great feeling to feel in charge of something! There are so many things in life that are beyond my control. So many things that I wish I could control. At least I can control how I treat myself and how I think about myself. I can control my actions towards others. I can choose who I want to be. I have control of the progress that I do and do not make. Hmm...I guess there are quite a few things that I do have control over. :)
Okay, now I'm ready to hit the sack. Nighty night! :)
Oh! PS Jeff, I really liked how you changed "so far, so good' to "so good, so far". Thanks!

Uh huh!

Uh huh, oh yeah!!! I'm having a perfect day! It's happening and I feel great! Thanks for the challenge, Anna! :) And, thanks for the clothes!!! I got them today! I don't think I'll be able to wear most of them right now, but I will be able to wear them very, very soon! Yippeeee!!!

Biggest Loser of the Week (3rd time)!

This is sweet! I am the biggest loser of the week again! I had a big gain last week and vowed to not have that happen again! I'm glad that I'm back down to almost losing 20 pounds! I hope to get into the 220's by next weigh in. I'm pretty sure that I can do that! I'm really excited to get down some more! Yippeeee!!!! Anna is sending me some clothes that are too big for her. I'm really excited to get them because Anna has such great taste in clothes! I know I'm going to love them! I am going to enjoy them as long as I can wear them! But, I am hoping to not be able to wear them for long! :) I'd like to get to the point where they are too big for me too! I'm on my way to my overall goal for this competition. I am a week behind because of my gain last week, but maybe I can make a comeback! :) I'm certainly on my way. I noticed that with the stress that I have been under for the last while, when I eat right I seem to handle it better. I seem to be able to cope because my body is nourished so then my mind is nourished. Anyway, I'm ready for this next week. Anna challenged everyone else in the competition to a perfect week. I have decided to join her in that challenge. It's fun to not weigh 250 anymore! It's a great feeling!

Happy Day

I'm still doing how I wanna do things! I am finally feeling better and have more energy!!! I think all the junk I ate last week is finally out of my system! It feels good to be healthy! Happy Valentines Day!

Back In The Saddle

I just realized something! Through all the years of trying to lose weight and yo-yo dieting, I have never come back so quickly from having a majorly huge mess up! Never! This is really something! Last week was just so raunchy and now I'm totally back in the saddle and rarin' to go! I have to say that I am really proud of myself for picking myself up, dusting myself off, and continuing on. I feel great! I really do! I didn't quit! I didn't just give up and say, "Oh, well, I can't do it anyway." I can do it! I am doing it! :)

Staying Strong

I've been doing well these past couple of days. But I've got to keep going strong if I want to win this competition. Actually, I need to keep going strong so I can make it to my goal. I want to keep up momentum, so I can blow past the deadline for this competition and continue on my way to losing more weight and becoming more healthy. I will be successful.

Thank Goodness For A New Week!!!

Okay, so I had that long blog that was a pep talk to myself, but I didn't follow through! I made very poor choices this week and it definitely shows in my weigh in! Holy cow! Does it ever show! Anyway, I was getting really frustrated and down on myself when I realized that just because I had a horribly week, it doesn't mean that I'm a failure. I knew that I was making poor choices, and I decided that those were choices that I wanted to make. Now, of course, I wish I hadn't made them, but on the other hand, now I can have a great comeback! :-)
On Sunday, we had our ward conference and in YW the Stake YW Pres. talked about exactness. She said that if we have a goal of saying something nice to someone every day for 2 weeks and we forget to do it for a day, does that mean that we just say, "Oh, oops. I missed up, I guess I'll quit." NO! It doesn't mean that. I decided to apply her talk to my life. It seems that I usually start really strong with something, losing weight, and then after about a month, I just kind of stop doing it for one reason or another. Anyway, I realize that I don't have to quit just because I had a bad week. There have been some HUGE things that have happened this past week that are way out of my control, but I want to fix them. I have found that I've been really stressed out about some of these things and I felt like I didn't have the energy to fix something good to eat or to exercise. But, I sure had the energy and the time to make cookies! Okay, so here I am so, so, so grateful for a new week. I am ready for a new start. I'm glad that we still have some time before this competition is over! I still have my goal in sight, and I am going to try my best to reach it.
Thanks for your comments on my blog everybody. And thanks for your encouragement and your belief in me. I really appreciate it.

Something Unexpected

So, when something unexpected comes up, what do you do? Hmmm... What did I do? For the first time in a month, I had an encounter with emotional eating! And I gave in! Rather than going for a piece of fruit or a yummy veggie, I went for a cookie! (Rather a few cookies) I just kind of let go of my vision for a little while. I knew at that moment that I wasn't making a wise choice, but I did it anyway! It's been about a month since starting this Biggest Loser competition, and I feel like I've done pretty well. As of weigh in on Tuesday, I had lost almost 20 pounds. It seems like whenever I do something to try to get healthy, I do a great job at first and then kind of fizzle out. Well, I've got news for myself! NOT THIS TIME!!! I am not going to just quit because I've had some mess ups this week. NO WAY, DUDE! I'm not a quitter. I am a go getter. When I see something I want, I go for it full force!!! I believe in myself. I know I can stick with it. I will not let myself down again. I refuse to quit. I like what Anna put in her blog the other day about what Jeff has said, "Fail Fast." I know that I didn't have a major catastrophe with my eating, but I can do better. I can have my motivation to keep this up. I mean, come on, I've lost almost 20 pounds! Why would I stop now! When I was younger and I didn't do well in school or was having a problem with something, Dad would tell me about the man that ran the race. He started the race and he was coming in dead last. He didn't quit though. He kept running! Even though he was the very last one and everyone would have understood if he quit, he didn't! He didn't quit. I will continue on. I think that one of the reasons why I've been having a hard time is because I see how far I have to go to the finish line. I've still got about 100 pounds to lose! When I think of it like that, it is very overwhelming. Maybe I should take it a day at a time. Or maybe a week at a time. I need to remember my goals that I've have set and keep them in mind. So far, I've lost almost 10% of my body weight. That is great! I need to lose about 50% overall! Yep, I need to focus on the smaller goals. I had a goal of losing about 20 lbs in a month, and I almost reached it. I knew that it was a goal that was going to be really hard to reach, but I almost did reach it! This IS going to happen for me, and I'm the only one who can make it happen. I'm off to a good start, and I'm going to keep it up. I always tell everyone else to keep up the good work. Well, Janie, Keep up the good work! :)
(I know that this blog has been a serious pep talk for myself, so thanks for reading!)